A Funny Little Story

It really is just a funny little story. I started it years and years ago to poke fun at romance novels and the lusty, perfect characters always featured in them. I'm blogging it because I just like Fred and Myrtle. I do. I hope you'll like them too. Please, make yourself a refreshment, sit back, relax a little, put your smile on and read. As with all blogs, the beginning is at the bottom. Please start at It Was a Dark and Stormy Day and work your way up from there.


Content Warning: THIS STORY CONTAINS EXPLICIT SEX AND IS NOT SUITABLE FOR READERS UNDER 16 OR PRUDES.


Thursday, November 11, 2010

Not the Golden Arches At Least

When Fred pulled up outside the Commercial Art building later, Myrtle was waiting for him just outside the front doors. She didn’t want to keep him waiting again for one thing, and for another, she was vaguely curious about where he would take her this time. She rather hoped Fred’s previous restaurant selection wasn’t an accurate reflection of his idea of dinner out.

"Well, we’ll get a good meal tonight, Myrtle," Fred assured her once she was settled into the passenger seat. "And then we’ll get you re-supplied with groceries,” he grinned. "I thought we’d go to the steakhouse beside the A&P," he enthused. "That way we can just skip over to the store to shop when we’re done. Is that okay?"

"Oh sure Fred," she replied, satisfied with his choice. She was familiar with Nick’s Steakhouse and Pancake Emporium ~ not a fast food joint and not really fancy either. Just right, she thought. And she also liked shopping at the A&P next door.

"It’s a good thing we came so early, straight from work, Myrtle. It’s hard to get a booth later in the evening," Fred informed her knowledgeably, once they were seated in the restaurant.

"Yes, this is very nice," she agreed, resting her elbows on the Formica table top as she gazed at the open menu before her. Steak or pancakes, she pondered.

“How do you like your steak?” asked Fred suddenly.

Myrtle glanced up. She hadn’t really decided if she wanted steak, but then thought about how she’d been eating a lot of homemade bread goods in the past week, so maybe a good old fashioned chunk of meat would be a nice change. “Medium,” she answered, smiling.

"Me too," smiled Fred. "Would the New York strip loin be all right with you?"

"Oh Fred., that’s kind of expensive. I’d be happy with a rib eye,” she protested. He offered a wounded look, once again putting Myrtle in mind of beagle puppy. She sighed resignedly and offered a penitent smile. "Well, whatever you’re having," she agreed.

And so, as the two enjoyed their early dinner, they talked about looking at apartments.

"There’s a two-bedroom, a one-bedroom and a bachelor in the building I like the look of best, and there’s a couple of bachelors available in the other building,” said Fred. “I suppose we should look at them all, but I really would prefer a one-bedroom. A two- bedroom will be too expensive and I lived in a bachelor once... with a pull-out couch. I didn’t like it."

"It is a lot of bother," agreed Myrtle.

"Dangerous too," he nodded emphatically. "I slipped once pulling my couch out and it landed on top of me."

"Myrtle’s eye widened in astonishment. "Were you hurt?"

Fred shook his head. "But I had the devil’s own time getting out from under it. Those things are heavy and the cross bar between two of the legs was right across my throat. If I’d been wearing this collar at the time... well..... " his voice trailed off thoughtfully as Myrtle just stared at him. Then he sort of gave his head a shake. "Anyway," he continued, "I haven’t really liked pull-out couches since."

"Small wonder," she agreed, her eye still wide. "I’m certainly glad you weren’t hurt."

Fred smiled bashfully. "Anyway, I guess... if you don’t mind... we should look at all the apartments. If I can only afford a bachelor, maybe we could think of a sleeping arrangement other than a pull-out couch," he ventured.

"I’m sure we could," she encouraged. "And I don’t mind at all. It’ll be interesting to see them all. When should we go?"

"Well," said Fred a little sheepishly, "I sort of made appointments for tomorrow night... but if that’s not convenient Myrtle...."

"Oh it’s not a problem at all," she assured him. I had no other plans. But tomorrow evening, before we go, you must have dinner at my place. It’s my turn to treat," she smiled.

"Okay," he agreed with a happy grin. Then his face fell just a bit... "But you mustn’t go to a lot of trouble, Myrtle."

She reached across the table and patted his hand. "I’ll just make us something fast and simple, Fred, so we won’t be too late getting out to look at those apartments."

He nodded approvingly, then sat back as the waiter poured coffee. By the time they were through, Myrtle had learned Fred received almost $7,000. from the insurance company for the contents of his apartment. In addition, he had saved almost $2,000. more. He was thrilled with the amount of money they had to work with, but Myrtle felt that properly furnishing and supplying an entire apartment on the funds available was going to be somewhat challenging. Still, she was eagerly looking forward to getting started. She felt they just might succeed if they attended the appropriate sales and weren’t afraid to look for bargains at the thrift shops. If possible, her enthusiasm was greater upon learning the monetary restrictions than it had been before. Myrtle loved a challenge.

Once Fred had calculated the tip and paid the tab for dinner, they decided to move the car closer to the grocery store. What with his hernia and Myrtle’s continued limp, he thought it best to get a parking space as close as they could. Myrtle was impressed with his thoughtfulness, especially as Fred wound up parking the car again only about three rows away from where it had been before.

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