A Funny Little Story

It really is just a funny little story. I started it years and years ago to poke fun at romance novels and the lusty, perfect characters always featured in them. I'm blogging it because I just like Fred and Myrtle. I do. I hope you'll like them too. Please, make yourself a refreshment, sit back, relax a little, put your smile on and read. As with all blogs, the beginning is at the bottom. Please start at It Was a Dark and Stormy Day and work your way up from there.


Content Warning: THIS STORY CONTAINS EXPLICIT SEX AND IS NOT SUITABLE FOR READERS UNDER 16 OR PRUDES.


Monday, March 19, 2012

EPILOGUE

When Myrtle became pregnant with their first child, she began thinking seriously about a change of lifestyle. She worked through her first trimester, but Dick’s term as Chairman was soon up and there was no guarantee he’d be reinstated. Nor was Dick sure he wanted to be. Myrtle wasn’t really looking forward to breaking in a new chairman.

Pelham’s lawsuit had been dismissed and his former course was now being taught by a new instructor, who was, in fact, one of the young men who’d come to their rescue when Pelham was fired. Myrtle found it strange that the Dean still avoided her though. “All’s well that ends well” apparently didn’t apply in this case. The more she thought about her job, the more she thought the only people she’d really, truly miss were Winn and Horace Dilby. But Horace had, in fact, become a regular at the farm. Myrtle thought he might actually start a late-in-life romance with Mabel, but it was actually Millie and her greenhouses that interested him most. Though he liked Mabel too, the attraction to Myrtle’s aunts and the farm had more to do with platonic friendship and shared interests, than with romance. So it wasn’t unusual for Fred and Myrtle to encounter the good professor already at the farm when they arrived on a weekend, either watering plants in the gardens, greenhouses, or barbequing tofu shish-ka-bobs on the porch, which were a favourite of his.

It was when Mabel had a little heart attack that Myrtle made up her mind. They visited Mabel in the ICU in Upton while she was there. A full recovery was expected, but during her recovery, Millie was busier than ever, with only Fred, Myrtle and Horace to help, all the way from Upton, which was a little awkward. Millie wanted to hire some help, and that was fine for the short term, but Myrtle decided it was time to make a move for the future. There wouldn’t be room in the cottage for a family, and she now knew that the farm was in her name, along with her aunts, because it had been paid off, in part, by her parents’ insurance. She was also the heir in both her aunts’ wills. So regardless of what else Myrtle did, and where else she went, the farm was her home. With Myrtle expecting, she wanted to go home.

The only problem was, there still wasn’t enough income in the farm for them all. Fred needed to keep working. So he approached Helen and Mr. Grieves with some trepidation, but it turned out there was no problem. Fred had passed his courses at Upton College with flying colours, enjoying many a lunch hour with Myrtle during them. And he was already being farmed out on data analysis projects for the larger corporation from time to time, faxing his reports to the other companies from his office. Mr. Grieves saw no reason why he couldn’t do the same thing from the farm.

So Fred and Myrtle moved to the farm. They kept the cottage for the time being, knowing they could sell it if needed. But they thought it would be good to keep for a back up, and also handy for trips to Upton. They also had an office built for Fred in a corner of the barn, insulated and fitted with enough power for his computer, fax machine and more. Fred still had to drive to Upton about three times a month for meetings and reports, but the rest of the time he reported to work across the barn yard, near the chickens, which made him nervous at first, but he got used to them. And as long as he faxed the results of his work to the companies involved, they were happy.

Myrtle's insurance claim was finally settled and the proceeds helped with the move and with preparing for the baby. Their first born was a son, Fred the third, who later in his childhood, decided that he preferred to be called “Three.” After that, two daughters were born, Katherine (Myrtle’s mother’s name) Mabel (Kate), and Myrtle Millicent (Cen’). Aside from raising her kids, Myrtle helped with the work of the farm, which she enjoyed immensely. She had more of an affinity with the paperwork, like Mabel, but she loved working with the plants as well.

Bill visited the farm with Billy almost as often as Horace. In fact, Billy became something of a fixture there whenever Bill had to take trips. Cynthia, it turned out, had enough of motherhood early and ran off with a show promoter, hoping for a career in Vegas. Bill, still the doting father, was raising Billy on his own, with the help of Fred and Myrtle, Mabel and Millie. Flora passed on before Three was born, of heart disease related to her size, temperament, and diabetes, in her truck, in the parking lot of an Upton truck accessory shop. Her secret wasn’t quite buried with her, but the others had no intention of blabbing. Bill was her executor, and he opted to sell Flora’s house and truck, and cut the proceeds in three: one part for himself, one for Billy’s education and one for Fred, who was surprised and grateful, especially since it helped pay for that office in the barn. And so life went on.

The End...... or is it?

Sunday, March 18, 2012

A Surprise and A Wedding

Fred kept his apartment in town for a couple of months, just in case. But Myrtle wanted no part of it and after a while it seemed silly to be paying for an empty apartment. Despite the proximity of the cottage to Fred’s mother, Myrtle reasoned, “just because you’re living close to her, doesn’t mean you have to see her any more often. If you see her as we pass her place, just wave. If you meet her at the mail boxes, which I never have by the way, just say ‘hello,’” she instructed.

The bug-eyed building superintendent would have been pretty annoyed when Fred gave his notice and might have tried to hold him to the lease, except he wanted Fred’s apartment for a buddy of his anyway. Fred rewarded the man’s largess by offering to leave the couch behind for his buddy. The Super was agreeable. The rest of Fred’s relatively new belongings either replaced something older and worn at Myrtle’s, like the bed and the television, or went into storage at the farm, with a few unwanted things given to charity. And so Fred settled into Myrtle’s little cottage with her.

They were together for the holidays, when they paid an obligatory visit to Fred’s mother with gift in hand. This is when they learned that Cynthia was pregnant. Flora was bragging mightily that Bill was giving her a grandchild to spoil. Fred blanched at the news. They didn’t stay long, especially when they heard that Bill and Cynthia were on their way over too.

Fred and Myrtle celebrated the New Year alone together. In fact, they kept pretty much to themselves much of the time, getting used to each other and sharing their lives so completely. They even went back to driving to work together most days. Myrtle finally had a driveway put in for the extra car, which they only needed on occasion. They did visit the farm regularly and when they told Myrtle’s aunts they wanted to get married, the matter was pretty much taken out of their hands.

Fred and Myrtle were married the following August, at the very height of the growing season, at the farm. Myrtle’s aunts put on a feast of fresh produce, including fresh, garden veggies and dips, potato salad, green salad, pickles, corn on the cob, along with buffalo burgers and platters of barbecued chicken, with Horace Dilby gleefully volunteering to man the barbecue. And there were also baked goods ~ pies, quick breads and cupcakes, besides the wedding cake Mabel made for them. The feast was to die for. They rented a huge tent in case of inclement weather and put the feast in there. But the weather was beautiful, so the ceremony was held outdoors and the tent was welcome shade for enjoying the food and company.

Some of the guests arrived a couple of days early, especially those in the wedding party. Bill was to be Fred’s best man, and so they couldn’t avoid having Cynthia there too, with her new baby. The little one looked like sort of a miniature Fred, and after he saw him, Fred just kind of wandered away, muttering softly to himself, with Myrtle right behind him to comfort him. Bill didn’t seem to notice or at least care what the baby looked like. He was a proud, doting and very hands-on father, in rather stark contrast to Cynthia, who clearly wasn’t taking to motherhood with as much enthusiasm as she had to being a housewife.

The most disconcerting intrusion on the event was Flora, who kept staring at the baby, glaring at Cynthia, and scowling at Fred, repeatedly. Even Myrtle’s aunts noticed the frequency with which she did this. The day before the wedding, they stood with Flora admiring her mighty truck, then invited her to take them for a ride in it to town. They all returned a few hours later with Millie at the wheel and Myrtle guessed that they’d taken Flora to Rainy Tavern. It took both Millie and Mabel to help Flora to a spare bedroom for a nap. Then Millie found Myrtle for a chat.

“It’s interesting the number of people who cheat on their partners,” Millie began. She had Myrtle’s immediate interest, and went on. “Seems Fred’s mother had a little affair with a travelling salesman, and Bill was the result.”

Myrtle’s mouth fell open, despite herself. “So Fred and Bill.....”

“...don’t have the same father,” finished Millie. “So there is no way in hell that Bill’s baby could look even remotely like Fred, unless....”

“Oh no,” groaned Myrtle. “So she’s figured it out. What are we to do?” she fussed. “What if she pipes up at that part where the Justice says, ‘if there is anyone here who knows any reason.....’”

“It’ll be ok,” Millie assured her. “We told her what happened.” Myrtle looked surprised. “We had to, Myrtle! She’d already guessed anyway. But we assured her it was Cynthia who was the aggressor, and not Fred, and that it would spoil a lot of lives if she blabbed, which it turns out she doesn’t want to anyway, because Bill doesn’t know, either about his parentage, or....”

“Oh geez,” said Myrtle, sighing. “So now everyone knows.... except....”

“...yeah... Bill,” finished Millie again. “And Flora would be crushed if her Billy ever found out, so.....”

Myrtle could only chuckle. “Great,” she said sarcastically, “so we all have something on each other. Now, will Flora quit glaring and scowling?” she asked.

“She’s going to try, Myrtle. She wasn’t even aware she was doing it in the first place,” chuckled Millie.

Myrtle sighed again, shaking her head. She thanked her aunt for helping, then they took off in different directions to continue what they’d been doing. Flora was a little hung over at the rehearsal, but at least she was quiet and well-behaved, thought Myrtle. In fact, there was no other craziness that day, except for when Fred thought the chickens were chasing him across the barn yard. He was, however, holding a tin of chicken feed at the time, and that’s really all they wanted. Mabel rescued him. Later, they all had a little laugh at his expense, including Fred.

And so, on a lovely, sunny day in August, Fred and Myrtle became husband and wife. It was a beautiful, casual ceremony with the usual nervous groom and beaming bride. Myrtle’s Aunt Millie gave her away. Mabel didn’t want to be in the wedding party, the better to keep an eye on things, so she sat across the aisle from Flora in the parental seats where Millie soon joined her. Winn was Myrtle’s maid of honour. Bill waited in front of the gathering with Fred, seeming almost as nervous as the groom. During the beautiful and brief ceremony, it looked for a moment as if Fred might faint, but with Bill on one side and Myrtle on the other, he took a few deep breaths and was able to finish the ceremony.

Later, Myrtle ate a little too much of her aunts’ scrumptious summer feast and Fred drank just a little too much and started giggling as Mr. Grieves was holding forth to Myrtle’s aunts about what a great job Fred was doing. Bill spent only the actual ceremony without his new son in tow, clucking over him like a well-muscled mother hen. Helen and Winn were both a huge help to Myrtle’s aunts, especially carrying foods out to the tent and helping with the clean up. Dick looked a little lost, but Horace Dilby seemed to be right in his element, enjoying the food, drink, company, barbecuing, and Millie’s greenhouses all in gleeful moderation. All and all, it was a great day.

Saturday, March 17, 2012

Love Blossoms

Fred was standing at the door. He was supposed to be going home. He knew it would probably take awhile to earn Myrtle’s trust again, but he was feeling better than he had in a long time and he was hungry for her. He pulled her close, gazed intently into her eyes for a moment, then kissed her. Her lips yielded, her mouth open and willing, her tongue teased his, and he responded with unbounded ardour. Myrtle pulled herself away and looked again into his eyes. It was impossible to mistake his passion.

“You still have to have protection,” she said softly.

Fred reached two fingers into his shirt pocket and pulled out a little package, relieved that he hadn’t lost it in his tumble. He smiled a little uncertainly at Myrtle. She just laughed softly and took the package from him.

“C’mon,” she said. She led him down the hallway to her bedroom and, once inside, turned down the sheets on the bed.

Fred almost couldn’t believe it, but he sure wasn’t going to argue. Suddenly Myrtle was there, undoing the buttons on his shirt and his belt, as he kissed her face and neck and slid a hand up under her sweater, caressing her soft skin. She brushed her lips against his, then when he leaned in for the kiss, she backed away and laughed slyly.

“You tease!” he muttered, grabbing her just a little roughly and pulling her to him. He kissed her hard and long and she yielded, her hands fluttering across his cheek and sliding around his shoulders. She could feel the hard bulge in his trousers. She backed away again, giving him a playful little shove, then pulled her sweater off. She wasn’t wearing a bra. She undid her jeans and kicked them away. Right on cue, he pulled his own clothes off, leaving them in a heap with hers. Her panties followed, as did his shorts. They stood before each other, Myrtle smiling mischievously as she dangled the condom in front of Fred. If Fred was smitten before, it was a hundred-fold now. Myrtle was compact, but her breasts were firm and beautiful, her nipples aroused, her hips rounded and inviting, her smile so enticing.

Fred stepped toward her, holding out his hand for the condom, but Myrtle wasn’t going to give it to him. She hopped onto the bed and lay on one side, leaning on her elbow, still dangling the little package in her other hand. Fred chuckled and climbed onto the bed beside her. His erection needed no coaxing and his arousal was full as Myrtle tore open the package and gently placed it’s contents on him, unrolling it slowly, until Fred thought he would explode with desire.

Then she held out her arms, inviting him to her. He slipped one arm under her and gently coaxed her legs apart with one of his, his lips and fingers caressing her from her shoulders to her breasts and then down her trembling body, until his fingers gently explored the soft, dark forest between her legs and found what he was looking for. He gently massaged the moist opening while his lips caressed her body again, lingering on her breasts. Then he found her mouth again for another deep burning kiss.

“Oh Myrtle,” he breathed, “you are so beautiful.”

“Don’t hurt me,” she said softly, moving against his fingers.

“Are you...?” he began.

“No, but it’s been a long time, so I’m practically brand new,” she teased softly. He continued to massage her gently as her legs opened wider and she tried to pull him closer. “I want you inside me, Fred... please,” she moaned.

Fred moved over her and penetrated her slowly. She pushed against him, placing her hands firmly on his hips and pulling him harder into her. She raised her legs and moaned softly as she moved against him, quaking with her lust. Even in the cool bedroom, the two slipped together in a fervent passion that had their lean bodies glistening with perspiration. Then her head fell back onto the pillow and she moaned as she let go of him, her fingers gripping the bed sheet under them.

“Oh Fred, don’t stop.... oh Fred.... ohhhh.” Her arms encircled him as she pulled herself hard against him, then she released her hold and let her head fall back onto the pillow again.

His eyes widened with the potency of her climax. Then he held her hard against him as his own ardour was rewarded. He was vaguely aware of Myrtle’s legs encircling his, as if she wasn’t going to let him go. He rolled on one side, carrying her with him, holding onto her tightly. Then he kissed her again, softly, gently. “I love you, Myrtle,” he said, resting his forehead against hers.

“I love you too, Fred,” she whispered. “You’re mine,” she added, a little fiercely.

Friday, March 16, 2012

Back Together?

Myrtle was getting everything ready to just throw the Fettuccine Alfredo together once Fred got there. The table was set, the salads were made, the white wine was breathing. It got dark so early at this time of year, she could see the shadow and headlights of a car stop on her side of road across from her cottage. The front light was on, nevertheless she heard an “oof” and a thud interrupt the footsteps coming around the cottage. It was almost a minute before she heard the tap at the back door. Myrtle opened the porch door and there stood Fred, with a dirt smudge on one cheek and some dried leaves in his hair, the rest of him a little askew.

“Oh, are you all right, Fred?” she asked in alarm.

“Yeah... yeah, I guess. That root really needs to be taken out,” he observed. “I’d forgotten about it,” he sighed, almost tripping through the door. He stood inside the door, just looking at Myrtle. Slowly a smile crept across his face. “I’ve missed you, Myrtle,” he said.

Myrtle returned the smile. “I missed you too, Fred,” she said. “C’mon in,” she motioned, and turned toward the kitchen. “Brush yourself off, sit and we’ll talk while I make supper,” she said.

Fred wanted to grab Myrtle and hold her close, but he sat down at the table as he was told. All in good time, he thought.

“So, what is your news at work, Fred?” asked Myrtle, as she put some noodles into a large saucepan of boiling water and began cutting up some ham.

As Fred sipped a little wine, he told Myrtle all about how Helen put him in the conference room with a bunch of statistics and he wound up with a whole new job and a whole new long, narrow office with a “picture window” on the wall that he found at the thrift shop.

They were both chuckling along merrily when Myrtle set their supper on the table. She poured herself some wine and sat down across from Fred.

“So you’re all healed up then?” asked Myrtle as she twirled her noodles on her fork.

“Almost,” said Fred. “I mean, I’m fine, Myrtle. I really am.” He looked up as he chewed. Myrtle made a motion at her mouth, and Fred, catching on, used his napkin to wipe cream sauce off his mouth. He looked at her and smiled a funny little smile. “This is really good,” he said happily. Then he cleared his throat. “Um, those blood tests,” he continued awkwardly, “I was worried..... I mean, I thought maybe when she did that, she might have given me something.” Myrtle stopped eating and looked at him. “Anyway, all the tests came back negative. Just so you know,” he sort of muttered.

“I’m so glad you told the truth, Fred,” said Myrtle.

“So am I,” he said instantly, wondering almost immediately if that was the right thing to say. “I mean, I’m not very good at lying anyway.”

“I noticed,” smiled Myrtle. “Although, you pretend to be sick rather well.”

Fred blushed and chuckled self-consciously. “I just didn’t know what to do, Myrtle. I kinda wished I was dead for awhile there.”

This statement had Myrtle putting her utensils down and looking at him intently. “Oh Fred, that’s awful,” she sympathized. “You should know, I guess, that I told Cynthia to never, ever go near you again.”

Fred looked at her in something like amazement. “You really did that?”

Myrtle nodded and chuckled, “I told her you’re my boyfriend and to stay away.”

Fred smiled in surprise. “You did? Well, thank you,” he said, smiling even more.

The two were silent a few moments, then began talking about the freakishly mild weather as they finished their meal, and then switched to flowers when Fred noticed one carnation blossom sitting in a brandy snifter on the table between them. Myrtle put the kettle on for tea and the two finished their wine at the table.

When the tea was ready, Myrtle poured them each a mug and they moved to the living room where Myrtle put a small log in the wood stove against the descending chill. As they sipped and chatted, Fred moved closer to Myrtle. After a few minutes, he put his arm around her. She smiled up at him and moved a little closer too.

“I’m sorry, Myrtle,” he said again, apropos of nothing in particular.

“I know you are, Fred,” she said, snuggling even closer.

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Fred Makes Headway

Fred’s new office was kind of a long, narrow, windowless room, but he made it work. He brought in a model ship and placed it on a shelf on the end wall to make the room seem more his own. On the same Saturday that Myrtle encountered Cynthia, Fred was walking by the thrift shop up the road from his apartment and saw a picture that was just exactly right for his new office. It was a picture of a window. He laughed out loud when he found it. He wished he could tell Myrtle that he had a “picture window” in his new office. He felt sad and frustrated that he hadn’t heard from her. He wondered if she liked the flowers and cards. At least she hadn’t called him up to tell him to stop, so he held out hope. Still, he wondered what more he should do.

The following Tuesday, Fred decided to call his doctor’s office to check on that last test result. He was getting quite anxious. He wasn’t really expecting the result to be back yet, but called on the pretext of giving them his new office extension number. To his surprise, the result was back. It was negative. Fred felt relieved, but also more anxious than ever to do something more to get Myrtle back.

That evening he picked up his phone about four times and put it back down again. He wanted to call her, but he was afraid she’d just hang up on him. Finally he guessed there was really only one way to find out, so he picked up the phone again. Myrtle answered after only one ring.

“Hi,” said Fred softly. “I... I hope it’s all right that I’m calling,” he began, not quite sure what to say.

“I guess so,” said Myrtle, sounding a little uncertain herself.

Still, she hadn’t hung up and this gave Fred courage. “Myrtle, I’m so sorry I let you down. I’m really more the one-woman man type... I really am.” Myrtle said nothing. “I don’t know why Cynthia did what she did...” he continued.

“I do,” interrupted Myrtle.

“What?” said Fred, completely taken by surprise.

“Oh, I ran into your sister-in-law. Turns out she’s trying to get pregnant and your brother is shooting blanks,” she said a little angrily.

“But.... but... I don’t wanna have a baby with her!” protested Fred.

“No, I’m sure you don't,” she said more calmly. “If it works, I think she’s planning to let Bill think he did it himself,” she said. “This Cynthia is nuts,” she added.

“Then you know...” he stuttered. “You know it wasn’t my idea. I don’t care about her, Myrtle. I only care about you,” he sort of whined.

“Thank you for the cards and flowers,” said Myrtle softly.

“Did you like them?”

“Oh yes. They’re very beautiful, Fred.”

Things were going well, so Fred took a deep breath. “When can I see you Myrtle?” he asked. Before she could answer, he went on, “I sort of got a promotion at work, and a new office, and I haven’t been able to tell anyone about it.”

“I guess you can tell me,” offered Myrtle. Then, “you’re already back at work?” she asked with evident concern. “How’s your incision healing?”

“It’s fine, Myrtle. No problems at all,” he assured her. “I’d like to see you.... talk to you in person,” he ventured.

“Ok,” she said cautiously. “Fred, why don’t you come here.... say, Friday evening? Come for supper, and we’ll talk,” she offered.

“Oh yes,” said Fred enthusiastically. “I’d love that, Myrtle. I’ll be there. Thank you,” he added softly.

Then they said goodnight, just a little awkwardly. Fred felt like whooping when he put down the phone. He was getting to see his girl again!

The rest of the week seemed to pass a little slowly for Fred who was having a hard time keeping his mind on statistics. For Myrtle, time seemed to go too fast as she debated with herself what to serve Fred for supper. She didn’t want to serve anything too plain, or anything too complex either. By Thursday she’d decided to make him Fettuccine Alfredo. It was simple, yet kind of elegant. She would serve it with salad and a little white wine, and shop for the ingredients on her way home that evening so she wouldn’t have to stop on Friday. She wasn’t sure how things were going to go between them, but at the very least, she decided she just wasn’t going to hate Fred for what had happened. Cynthia was quite clearly the aggressor and had victimized him. Maybe it just wasn’t smart to let that crazy woman ruin their relationship, she thought.

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Myrtle Meets Cynthia

Thursday was also the day Myrtle got Fred’s card in the mail. She read the obviously heart-felt message with mixed feelings, then placed the card, open, on her kitchen table. She was still a little incredulous about it all, but for the first time she considered the possibility that Fred was too. She would have to give this more thought for sure, she thought.

On Saturday, Myrtle saw a florist truck drive by. A few minutes later, she saw it drive by again, only this time the driver backed up and peered through the trees at her cottage. She went out to the pathway to help him out and met him there.

“You Myrtle Waters?” he asked.

Myrtle nodded and took the large flower box from the man. She had brought two dollars with her, for a tip, just in case. She put it in the delivery man’s hand and thanked him. Inside, she opened the box to find a dozen beautiful, red roses and a card that said, “Myrtle, I really didn’t know what was happening. Please forgive me. Fred.”

She pulled a large vase out from under the sink and arranged the roses, then put them on the table next to the card. Myrtle was still uncertain about it all, yet she was sort of enjoying this. At least, she felt gratified that Fred hadn’t just given up. It was getting more and more difficult to stay angry with him. On Friday evening, Fred mailed a second card, writing in it, simply, “Please forgive me, Myrtle. Love Fred”

The next week was awfully busy for them both. Fred was settling into his new job almost full time now. His recovery time had been short, even for a man not doing a physical job, but except for the occasional twinge, he felt much better physically than he had in a long time. He had suffered through so much pain with his injury that the healing process paled by comparison, except for when the staples were removed and then that other time, with Cynthia.

He really just wanted to focus on doing this new work well, so he immersed himself in it. Helen was scrambling to find him an actual office big enough for the flip chart, a white board, a large desk, etc. In the meantime, Fred was working in the conference room where he started. It turned out that there was a back-log of data analysis waiting for him. Since Mr. Grieve’s had more or less dumped this problem on Helen, she would supervise Fred’s work. She finally had a large storage room near her office cleared out and made into an office for Fred. When Fred was moved into it, he was told it was his, and he could decorate as he wished. He realized he didn’t even have a picture of Myrtle to put up. He had pictures of his mother, but decided against that.

There was a buzz of excitement at the college as well. Students and staff alike were asked to submit depositions about Pelham’s behaviour, just in case they were needed. So there was a flurry of activity about the place all week, but it wasn’t anything negative or difficult for Myrtle. It was just sort of an air of determination and expectation in the place that kind of kept everyone on their toes. So Myrtle went through the week alternately busy with her work, thinking about Fred, and wondering what would happen next with Pelham.

Fred’s second card was in Myrtle’s mail box on the Tuesday. She opened it. Noticing that Fred had signed it “Love Fred,” she smiled and placed it on the table with the other one. The roses needed some care, so she trimmed the stems, rearranged them and changed the water, putting a little sugar in it to help keep the roses nice. Fred was definitely on her mind. She kept thinking about what her Aunt Mabel had said about losing the one man she really loved because he made a mistake. She had never asked what the mistake was. Must have been something pretty profound, she thought.

The following Saturday, a dozen carnations arrived. She arranged those as well, with the card that said simply, “Please forgive me. Love Fred.” Myrtle took care of them rather quickly though, finding a place for them in the living room. She had a little art show to attend as well as some shopping to do and was heading into town for both. The florist delivery guy had just caught her still at home. She grabbed a jacket and was headed out her road when she saw a pink convertible parked in Flora’s driveway, with a rather voluptuously done up woman next to it. She chuckled, thinking that Mary Kaye was visiting Flora of all people. But at the stop sign, she stopped longer than usual. She turned to look back, then she backed up and turned into Flora’s driveway behind the pink car.

When Myrtle climbed out the woman beside the pink car sort of moved toward her and said, “oh, honey, I’m just going out. Could you move your car?”

But Myrtle just walked right up to her. “Are you Cynthia?” she asked.

Cynthia, apparently mistaking Myrtle for a fan, giggled and said, “Oh yes, I am. But I’m on my way out, honey.”

Myrtle stared. “Did you go to Fred’s apartment and seduce him?” she demanded.

Cynthia’s eyes widened. “Shhhh... not so loud, honey. Don’t want Flo to hear,” she said, looking over her shoulder at the window facing the driveway.

“Well did you?” asked Myrtle again, even louder.

“Well yeah,” said Cynthia, in sort of a stage whisper. “Sure I did. Billy’s sperm count is low and we’re trying to have a kid. It wasn’t anything personal... just wanted to keep it in the family. I’m not much into turkey basters,” she giggled.

Myrtle just stared. “Not personal?! You seduced my boyfriend and you say it isn’t PERSONAL?!”

It was Cynthia’s turn to stare. “Oh my, shhhh,” she said, a little helplessly. “Honestly honey, I didn’t know he had a girlfriend,” she offered, shrugging.

Myrtle dared to get even closer, standing on her tiptoes to get right into Cynthia’s face. “Don’t you EVER go near my man again! NOT. EVER.!!” With that, and shaking from her own nerve, Myrtle turned and got into her car, then actually burned rubber backing down Flora’s driveway.

Myrtle was most of the way to town before she recovered enough from the encounter to fully realize what she’d done. She had laid claim to Fred in no uncertain terms. Moreover, she’d discovered that Fred was telling the truth. That woman is nuts, she thought. Not personal, indeed! She really had done what Fred claimed she had. Suddenly she felt a little sorry for Fred, being bulldozed by such as woman as Cynthia. It was getting tougher and tougher to stay angry with him. But not tough at all to be furious with Cynthia.

Monday, March 12, 2012

A New Job!

Fred had already been feeling a little tired when he got to work, what with all his cleaning at home. He hoped he could focus on this new work enough to not let Helen down. He had just a twinge of self-doubt which seemed to go with a small twinge of pain in his stomach, but then buried his nose in the papers in front of him.

The company had hired a consulting firm to conduct a number of efficiency studies for them. Unfortunately the results had been presented to them pretty much as pages and pages of statistics. When the company complained about the format, the consulting firm insisted they’d done everything they’d been commissioned to do. So the company needed someone to interpret the findings in a more practical way so they could decide which of their business practices could benefit most by being changed. They also needed to know specifically what changes needed to be tried first. This was the task that was given to Fred.

The time and motion studies came first. Fred wondered if these weren’t just experiments in rushing people at their work, but once he got into them, he found them rather fascinating. They were really about finding the best way to do a thing, and then training the employees to do the task that way. He also noticed that the best methods were meant to also enhance the safety of the workers, which would ultimately save on injuries such as his, hence, saving the company considerable time and money on injury claims, as well as saving employees the inconvenience and pain of injury. This, he decided, was a good thing. And so Fred worked away at interpreting the studies into a working strategy.

At the end of his first day doing this, he was very tired. But he felt good, knowing there was something important and interesting for him to do at work. While he was doing his shopping, he noticed the greeting card section of the store. The words “I’m Sorry” stuck out somehow. He went over and had a look. He couldn’t make up his mind between three cards he liked, so he bought them all, figuring that getting Myrtle to forgive him wasn’t exactly going to be a one-card job anyway.

After unpacking his groceries and eating a simple supper of canned spaghetti right out of the can, Fred sat down at his table and composed a short note in one of the cards:

“Dearest Myrtle,
“I really am sorry for letting you down. I didn’t mean it to happen. She caught me completely off guard. Honestly Myrtle, it’s you I care about. Please don’t hate me. Fred”

He addressed it and mailed it downstairs in the building mail box. Sighing, he returned to his apartment and decided to watch some TV before bed. He was tired, but he was actually looking forward to work the next day.

And so the week went along for them both. On Thursday, Fred found out his blood tests were negative. He felt some relief, but there was still that last one out there somewhere. Still, if what Bill had told him was true, he probably didn’t have anything to worry about. He would just feel better when the results of the HIV test were in. At work, Fred took some of his work to Helen, just to make sure that what he was doing was what she wanted. A little later in the day, he was called to her office. Mr. Grieves was there.

“You’ve made Helen a very happy woman,” the man chuckled so deeply that it came out as a rumble. Fred just kind of stared nervously. Nice, he thought, not the woman he most wanted to impress, but... “Do you like this work, Fred,” Mr, Grieves was asking.

“Oh yes,” he heard himself say. “I like working with the statistics, Mr. Grieves. They ... um... sort of seem to speak to me,” he stammered, instantly wondering if this last admission was a good idea.

But Mr. Grieves only rumbled again. “So you wouldn’t mind being reassigned to this job permanently?”

Again, Fred was caught by surprise, but he went with his gut on this one. “No sir, I guess not,” he smiled. He wasn’t expecting this, but he did prefer the statistics over the shipping codes.

“Good, m’boy... that’s very good,” said the boss. He glanced at Helen who was smiling happily. “Helen has been looking for the right person for this job for some time. Not much point in commissioning studies if you don’t understand the results!” he almost shouted, then he laughed quite loudly, making Fred back up just a little. “Have you ever studied Data Analysis, Fred?”

“No sir,” said Fred, a little uncertainly. “It just seems easy to me,” he sort of squeaked.

“Well that’s fine,” said Mr. Grieves. “But we’ll be sending you to some Data Analysis courses at Upton College in the coming semester, just to cover your back, so to speak,” said the man smiling.

Upton College, thought Fred. He smiled hugely, which of course was misinterpreted by Mr. Grieves, but no matter. Fred was thrilled with what was apparently his new job, and even more thrilled that he would have an excuse to appear on campus where Myrtle worked. At least, he hoped his classes would be somehow close to where Myrtle worked.

“If it works out,” Mr. Grieves was saying, “we’ll be having you continue on with data analysis for the larger corporate interests.” Mr. Grieves leaned a little closer to Fred and lowered his deep voice just a little, “and there will be a little something extra in your pay if all goes well, Fred.” He winked.

Fred was very pleased with this news and wished he had someone to share it with.

Sunday, March 11, 2012

Fred Goes Back to Work

“It’s at least a week early,” said Helen, “are you sure you’re up to it, Fred?”

“I’m ok, Helen. It’s not like I work on the docks... erm... I mean... I don’t, do I?” he asked uncertainly.

“Of course not, Fred,” she assured him, chuckling a little. “You’ll be sitting at a desk. I’ll tell you what ~ why don’t you come back for a few hours a day this week and we’ll see how it goes. As long as you’re up for it and you don’t overtire, I’m sure we can just sort of slowly work you back into a routine.”

“That sounds good, Helen,” he said enthusiastically. “Will this be all right with Mr. Grieves?” he asked, again uncertainly.

“Oh, it’ll be fine, Fred, no worries. So will you be coming in this afternoon, or will I look for you tomorrow?”

“I think I’ll come in after lunch, Helen, if that’s ok.”

“It’s fine, Fred. I’ll be waiting for you,” said Helen reassuringly.

So it was settled. It was Monday morning and Fred had to get ready to go back to work. He had already tidied up the apartment a bit and had done at least some of the dishes while waiting for it to be past 9 o’clock so he could call Helen. Now he had to get himself cleaned up. He headed for his bedroom to get his suit out of the closet. The bedroom didn’t smell too good. Some of the scraps of food on the dirty dishes on his floor were starting to grow things, so he decided to clean up a bit and change his bed before heading to the bathroom.

Myrtle was still thinking about her weekend at the farm as she pulled out her work folder. She no sooner got started at some typing when Dick walked into her office clearly fretful about something.

“Something?” she asked.

“Pelham is suing for wrongful dismissal, just as he threatened to do,” whined Dick.

Myrtle shrugged. “He doesn’t have a leg to stand on, Dick. Really, he wasn’t dismissed out of hand without a hearing, and you have a bunch of witnesses to his terrible behaviour in this office...”

“I know, I know, but he’s claiming his course is being taught by unqualified instructors. He may have something on us.”

“No, I don’t think so, Dick,” said Myrtle soothingly. “He’s the one who left us in the lurch by not showing up for his classes. The current arrangement was a way to deal with that emergency, and it’s temporary. Also, the young men are not ‘instructors.’ They were not hired as instructors, and are not being paid as such. They are ‘teaching assistants’ working under your direction. And you, Dick, are a tenured professor.” Myrtle smiled.

Dick stood a little taller and looked more resolute. “You’re right,” he said. “No one can question my qualifications. I’ve even taught that course before. It was a while back, but still....” Obviously satisfied with Myrtle’s argument, he nodded and headed back to his office.

A little while later, the Dean strolled by, giving Myrtle only a glance as he passed. He was in Dick’s office for about half an hour. When he walked by the other way, he didn’t even glance Myrtle’s way. She wondered how Dick was doing, but he didn’t come fretting back into her office, so she thought everything must be all right for now.

Fred was shaving. He had already showered and when he was done cleaning what was now a beard off his face, he took a critical look in the mirror. Better, he thought. Except for the dark circles under his eyes, he looked his old self. He wisely decided to have lunch in his skivvies before getting dressed for work. He found a can of tuna in his pantry and decided to have tuna salad on the last English muffin. While he ate, he made himself a shopping list for later. Milk, bread, peanut butter and eggs topped the list, and he also added English muffins, since it turned out they were not only good with peanut butter, but with tuna as well.

Fred really wasn’t sure what to expect at work. He felt better after talking with Helen, but still harboured a very disquieting feeling from Mr. Grieves’ visit in the hospital. At least he knew he wasn’t demoted to the docks. He wondered if he should go to his office, or report to Helen. He decided on the latter. After all, if there was someone else sitting at his desk, he wouldn’t have a clue what to say.

It was a good decision. Helen was expecting him and took him straight away to a conference room where there was a computer, a printer, a flip chart and some papers on the large table.

“Fred, we need someone to sort out some data for us and I wondered if maybe you weren’t the man for the job,” she said gently.

“I’m...I’m not a shipping clerk anymore,” stammered Fred.

“Well, we weren’t expecting you back yet, Fred, and there’s another fellow filling in for you. Anyway, as I said, we really need some help with this and wondered if you’d give it a try.”

“Sure... of course,” said Fred uncertainly.

Saturday, March 10, 2012

Bill to the Rescue?

When Myrtle woke up from her nap she had a little headache, but she sort of blundered down to the kitchen following the smell of good food. Her aunts looked up when she entered the room.

“Are you all right, dear?” asked Mabel.

“I’m not really much of a drinker,” Myrtle replied, rubbing her head. “You two are wicked, taking me out to a bar of all places.”

“We love to take people there and get them to talk,” chuckled Millie. “I’ll bet you’re hungry.”

“I could eat,” said Myrtle a little sarcastically. Truth was, she was very hungry and looking for some supper, and her aunts didn’t disappoint. There was an old fashioned stew bubbling on the stove, and Millie was getting ready to mash up some potatoes. This was a family favourite. And so, when the food was all ready, the women sat down together and enjoyed the flavourful repast.

Myrtle had a hard time getting to sleep that night, what with the effects of the alcohol and the nap. She was thinking about Fred and what he’d said about saving himself for her. She was hurt and angry of course, but she lay there pondering what she really ought to do about it all. She wondered if she’d some day wind up regretting it if she just let Fred go.

On Sunday, Myrtle helped with the morning chores at the farm, happily feeding the chickens and helping check the plants in the greenhouses. After lunch, she thanked her aunts for everything, gave them both great big hugs, and headed for home.

Fred meanwhile, was spreading the last of the peanut butter on the second-last of the English muffins. He was a hapless mess, but he was hungry after another restless night. Ironically, it was his brother Bill who saved him from himself. When Fred heard the tapping at the door, he went to check who it was of course. He was surprised to see Bill through the peep hole. His first thought was that Bill had found out about what Cynthia had done and had come to kill him. But strangely, Bill didn’t look angry, at least, not through the peep hole. Fred opened the door.

“Fred! How ya doin’?” The smile on Bill’s quickly faded when he caught a full view of Fred, and a snootful as well. “Whoa.... Fred! What have you been doing?”

“Nothing,” replied Fred, shrugging.

“Man, I’ll say!” said Bill. “What a mess you are, man! And get a load of this place! Fred! What’s going on?”

“Really, not a thing,” replied Fred patiently, shrugging again.

“Fred, man, you can’t let yourself fall apart like this. What happened? Did your girlfriend dump you or something?”

Fred wanted to yell his response at Bill, that it was his damned wife who’d spoiled things for him, but of course, he held his tongue. He just shrugged again and nodded.

“Now Fred, you can’t let a woman ruin you like this. There are plenty of fish in the sea, buddy. But you need to get yourself cleaned up if you want to attract any of ‘em. I mean, man, you’re a mess here.”

“Myrtle was special,” mumbled Fred.

“Ah, they’re all special, buddy. Man, look at this place.” Bill just kept looking around and shaking his head. “You can’t let any woman ruin you like this, Fred.”

Fred just shrugged yet again.

“How are you feeling anyway, Bro?” asked Bill. “I mean, your operation stuff.”

“Ok, I guess,” replied Fred unenthusiastically.

“Well then, why don’t you go back to work? If you get back into a routine, maybe you’ll snap outta this,” he advised.

“Do you use protection with women?” Fred asked suddenly, kind of wishing he’d snuck up on that a little better.

Bill was a little taken aback, but then he just laughed. “Well yeah! I mean you have to take care of business, man.”

“What about Cynthia?” asked Fred, suddenly wondering if he was straying into dangerous territory.

“Look, Fred, I don’t know where you’re going with this, but we both took precautions and we both had tests after we got married, ok? I mean, we’re trying to have a kid, so when you’ve played a little, you do the precautions.”

Played a little, thought Fred. That was kind of funny. “I just wondered,” he mumbled, wanting to change the subject. “I mean, I guess I should have had condoms, or something,” he stammered, hoping this remark would satisfy his brother, who was looking at him askance.

“Well yeah, buddy. You’ve got to be prepared,” agreed Bill, a little sarcastically.

“Why did you come here,” asked Fred, more abruptly than he meant to, looking for that change of subject.

“Oh, I was going to ask a favour,” said Bill, glancing down at his ring finger, “but it’s ok. Never mind. I see you have your work cut out for you just finding yourself under the mess,” he chuckled a little derisively. “But really Fred, you’re rank. You need to get cleaned up and get your life back, y’know? Such as it was anyway,” he chuckled again.

“Yeah,” said Fred. “Well, thanks for the advice,” he said, sounding more sarcastic than he actually meant to.

After his brother left, Fred had to admit to himself that Bill was right. He needed to climb out of this funk and get cleaned up. He decided that going back to work was just the thing.

Friday, March 9, 2012

The Curse

Myrtle squirmed in her seat, wishing she hadn’t mentioned the curse. Her aunts may not find it at all amusing. She glanced from one to the other, then took another sip of her drink. “Well... I mean... you’re both such beautiful women, but you never married. Sometimes I think I never will either,” she explained.

Both Myrtle’s aunts started to chuckle. “A curse, is it?” asked Mabel with a smile. Myrtle again just looked from one to the other. “Maybe you’re right,” continued Mabel, shrugging. “I had a love when I was younger. My, but he was a lovely fellow, or so I thought. We went along so well for a bit, but then he made a mistake and I tossed him aside. I’ve never found a man to love like that since,” she said, sadly. “But Myrtle, that was my own choice. I’ve had plenty of chances.... even Jim here,” she jerked her head toward the bar, then rolled her eyes.

Myrtle smiled thoughtfully, took another sip of her drink, then glanced briefly toward the bar, then back at her Aunt Mabel. She took another sip and turned to look at her Aunt Millie. Millie glanced at Mabel, who nodded in response.

“I had a great love too,” said Millie quietly, turning back to Myrtle. “It just wasn’t as accepted in those days as it is now.” Myrtle looked at her younger aunt with a questioning look. “Do you remember Alison Tinney?” asked Millie.

“Yes,” said Myrtle right away. “She came every Sunday on horseback, with a saddled horse behind her for you, and the two of you went riding...... Oh my.” Myrtle’s eyes widened. “You and Alison....”

Millie smiled and nodded. “It wasn’t easy to love someone your own gender in those days,” she said. “But we spent many evenings together, and went riding every Sunday.”

“I don’t remember the evenings,” pondered Myrtle.

“Of course you don’t,” laughed Millie. “We didn’t spend them with you. Do you remember that cabin in the back woods you liked to have picnics in?”

Myrtle’s eyes widened again. “You mean....”

“Yes,” said Millie softly.

“That was a cozy little place. I so loved to picnic there,” said Myrtle, who was starting to feel a little bit muddled-minded with the rum. “Where did that cabin even come from?”

“Your grandpa built it, for Alison and me,” said Millie. “He understood,” she smiled.

“What ever happened to Alison?” asked Myrtle.

“She died of breast cancer,” said Millie sadly. “She fought hard. I know what it’s like to spend a lot of time at the hospital with someone you care about.”

There was just silence for awhile, everyone sipping on their drinks. Then, “those horses...” began Myrtle.

“Her dad sold them,” said Millie. “In fact, he sold the whole farm. His wife died of breast cancer, and then so did Alison. He couldn’t care for the horses himself and really, he had no heart for their farm anymore. He moved to a retirement community in Upton.” Myrtle found herself staring a little at her Aunt Millie, who met her gaze and just smiled sadly. “I enjoyed riding,” said Millie thoughtfully. “I could have bought the horse I usually rode, but without Alison.....” She shrugged.

“Life has a knack of doing its own thing,” Mabel piped up. “But we also make some pretty important choices. I’ve wondered many times how different my life would have been if I’d had the patience and courage to accept my man for who he was, instead of being disappointed that he wasn’t the man I wanted him to be.”

Again the place seemed so silent for several moments. Myrtle was feeling a little tipsy on her third rum and Coke. She looked at her Aunt Mabel. “Sometimes, I guess we want them to be the knight in shining armour,” said Myrtle thoughtfully. “But they really aren’t, are they?”

Both aunts shook their heads. “Men are really the weaker sex,” said Mabel. “They’re really simple creatures, whose needs are pretty basic. If you lay claim to one of them, you have to look after him.”

Myrtle nodded, knocking back the rest of her drink. “I think I need a nap,” she said finally.

Thursday, March 8, 2012

Rainy Tavern

“Where are we going?” asked Myrtle.

“We’re taking you to town to get you blotto,” answered Millie with a deep chuckle. Myrtle glanced at first one, then the other aunt. They were both smiling, so Myrtle thought they must be joking.

When they stopped at a seed and feed store, Myrtle thought maybe it was just a shopping excursion. But then Millie went in with a few flats of eggs and dropped them off. Then they all got back into the truck and drove a scant two blocks, parking in front of the Rainy Tavern. The two aunts just kept smiling as Millie parked the truck. They ushered Myrtle into the tap room and chose a booth.

Myrtle looked at her two aunts. “Is this where you two hang out?” she asked, a little doubtfully.

“Oh sure,” said Mabel. “We come here all the time.” She glanced at Millie, who motioned for service. An older fellow with a grey mustache, greased back hair and an ample belly sidled up to the booth and smiled, winking at Mabel.

Millie chuckled softly as Mabel gave her a warning look. Then Mabel looked up and said, “my turn to drive, so I’ll have bottled water on ice with a twist of lemon,” she said firmly. “My sister will have a shandy, and my niece will have.....” She looked at Myrtle expectantly.

“Oh, just a coke,” muttered Myrtle.

“So that’ll be a rum and Coke,” said Mabel firmly, nodding at the old gent. He smiled and turned toward the bar.

“Jim has been sweet on Mabel lo these last 15 years or so,” said Millie in sort of a stage whisper, still chuckling, distracting Myrtle from protesting the added rum to her Coke, as Mabel glared at Millie.

“I’ll go out with him when he crawls out from behind that bar and comes out to the farm to help with the chores,” said Mabel in mock annoyance.

“Won’t do him any good,” said Millie a little sternly. “No matter what work he did, the farm will go to Myrtle, not to some foolish old bartender.”

Myrtle was instantly taken aback. She hadn’t actually given any thought to what would become of the farm when her aunts could no longer keep it up, or, Heaven forbid, were gone. After she left home and moved to Upton, both her grandparents had passed, one after the other. She’d thought of the farm as her aunt’s home now. For the first time, she wondered how they were, really. “How are you two anyway?” she asked suddenly.

Mabel chuckled. “We’re fine Myrtle,” she said reassuringly. “We’re busier than ever, what with one thing and another, and we’re both in good health.”

Jim had come back and set the drinks down, then stood waiting. Mabel pulled a ten out of her purse and handed it to him. “Keep the change,” she said, a little sardonically. Jim only smiled and winked at her again, then made his way back to the bar, the tray under his arm. Millie chuckled again, as Mabel rolled her eyes.

“Anyway,” said Millie, we’re doing great. More to the point, Ms. Myrtle, how are things going with you?”

Well, Myrtle wasn’t even a little titillated yet by the rum in her Coke. She'd scarcely had a sip. But she knew when she was cornered, so she told all she was sure she hadn’t yet, and a few things she already had. She told them about how she and Fred met in a mud puddle. She told them about riding back and forth to work with him and getting to know him; about fixing up his new apartment and visiting him in the hospital.

“So then what’s the problem?” asked Mabel, gesturing for more drinks.

“Cynthia raped him,” said Myrtle, looking from one of her aunts to other.

“What?!” said Millie.

“Well, that’s what Fred told me when he got all strange and mysterious on me and didn’t seem to want me around. He said Cynthia burst into his apartment Sunday morning and had her way with him.”

"Who's Cynthia?" asked Mabel.

"His sister-in-law, a former exotic dancer who married his libidinous brother." She looked from aunt to aunt, then groaned softly. “I should have taken him home with me on Saturday,” she said sadly in self-reproach. “I wouldn’t have gotten as much done, but he wouldn’t have been alone.” Myrtle looked again at her aunts, who both still had a look of surprise on their faces. “But then,” continued Myrtle, “I shouldn’t have to watch over him every minute without worrying about who he’s banging!”

Mabel and Millie glanced at each other. Their afternoon out was having the desired effect, but even they were a little shocked by what had happened. But before they could comment or offer advice, Myrtle had more to say.

“It’s the curse!”

“What curse is that?” asked Mabel gently, looking just a little worried.

Saturday, March 3, 2012

Myrtle Is Dumbfounded

What a wacky family to have gotten involved with, Myrtle chided herself, shaking her head. Like it wasn’t enough that Fred’s mother was an extraordinarily loud, rude monster of a woman, and Fred kept his brother’s ring for him while said brother went off to cheat on his wife, now the wife had apparently raped Fred? Was she really supposed to believe this? It was all just too much. Myrtle felt angry, heartbroken, and amazed all at once. She wondered for a moment if she hadn’t really been in some sort of coma since her accident and all of this was just an ongoing bad coma-dream. She gave her head another shake.

Myrtle had already made arrangements to meet Winn at the car dealership Thursday after work to help her pick up her new car and return Fred’s. So Winn followed Myrtle from the dealership to Fred’s apartment and gave Myrtle a lift back to the dealership. In between, Myrtle put the apartment door key on the ring with the car keys and tapped on Fred’s door. Again, she knew he was peeping out to see who it was, though he opened the door quite quickly

“Oh Myrtle...” he began.

“The car is in your parking space,” she interrupted. “The tank is full. Your apartment key is here too,” she said sternly, as she plunked the keys into Fred’s hand. She looked at Fred sadly, then turned away.

“Myrtle pleeeeaaase...” Fred moaned to her retreating back. But Myrtle didn’t stop. She disappeared through the door to the stairs while Fred watched, again feeling helpless.

Myrtle wished she could have enjoyed that drive home in her new car more. It was a really good buy, she assured herself, trying to feel happy about it. But of course, thoughts of Fred kept intruding. The whole situation was just absurd, she thought.

She went through Friday at work in something of a daze. Fortunately nothing there happened to make matters worse. She had lunch with Winn who was wanting to talk about Myrtle’s new car. Myrtle tried to seem enthused, and in a way, she was, but she felt an overriding sadness. Winn noticed that something was wrong.

Myrtle just shrugged, “I don’t seem to have a lot of luck with men,” she smiled sadly.

“It’s a big club,” empathized Winn. “Men can be such beasts.”

“You know,” said Myrtle philosophically. “Part of me is glad I never had sex with Fred, but another part of me wishes I had, at least once. It’s been awhile,” she smiled sadly. “And at least I’d have a better idea what I lost.”

“Is it hopeless then?” asked Winn.

“Fred seemed so gentle and innocent somehow, I really thought he was the one,” sighed Myrtle. “You know, I’m 26 and this is the closest I’ve come to a real relationship with a man. I’m thinking maybe I’m cursed, like other women in my family.”

“I’m 30 and haven’t given up yet,” said Winn. “And what do you mean cursed? Your mom did ok, didn’t she?” asked Winn.

“Well, the women on my dad’s side,” explained Myrtle with a wry smile. “I honestly don’t know much about my mom’s side. She died when I was so little. I think there was an aunt and uncle and some cousins there, but I never heard from them.” Myrtle shrugged. “The only grandparents I had were my dad’s parents. They got custody of me.”

“And your aunts?” asked Winn.

“The cursed women,” said Myrtle with a smirk. “They had a hand in raising me because they were home, on the farm. Neither of them ever married.”

“That must have been rough,” said Winn.

Myrtle looked up to see if her friend was kidding, but she seemed sincere, so Myrtle shook her head vehemently. “Oh no, it wasn’t. I had a great childhood, growing up on a farm with chickens, goats, cats and a great dog for a friend, doting grandparents and two eccentric aunts who spoiled me. I often wondered what it would have been like to have a mom and dad, but you know, I had it great,” she smiled. “In fact, I think I’ll give my new car a little run this weekend, and go out to the farm,” she said decisively.

“Ah... maybe a visit with your aunts will do you good,” smiled Winn.

Fred meanwhile, was slouched sadly on his couch, at the other end, staring at a TV that wasn’t even turned on. Again he hadn’t slept, and he was a lot less interested in food than he had been when he was scared and nervous. He just sat staring at the dark TV screen and eventually nodded off that way. He woke up a few hours later and stood up, almost immediately falling back down onto the couch feeling dizzy. He sure hadn’t slept right. He moaned and massaged the back of his neck for a bit, then stood up more slowly. He supposed he should have something to eat. He was almost out of bread, except for the crusts, but he found some English muffins in the freezer that Myrtle had put there. He wanted to fry an egg, but the pan was under several dirty dishes in the sink and he couldn’t be bothered. He decided to just spread peanut butter on the toasted muffin instead. He had a glass of milk with it, noticing that he was also running low on that. He sat down at the table to eat, sighing sadly the whole time. Cynthia had destroyed his life, he thought. It was hopeless... just all hopeless.

Myrtle called her aunts after work on Friday to let them know she was coming for a visit. It was a little over two hours from Upton to the farm, near a little village called Rainy Creek and Myrtle was looking forward to a weekend on the farm.

Friday, March 2, 2012

Fred Comes Clean, Sort Of

Myrtle’s meeting with Dan Milburn on Wednesday evening went very well. He was cheerful, understanding, and also very nice, seeming quite committed to making sure his clients were looked after. He wasn’t a cheap ambulance-chaser, thought Myrtle with relief. He was surprisingly young, but seemed like just a fellow who wanted to make sure people were getting their due. So Myrtle was quite happy to leave the whole accident claim in his hands. He had been quite thorough about collecting facts and information. Of most interest to him was the fact that the other driver was charged, but there had been no court date yet. These things could be sluggish, he informed Myrtle. But it was best to not let the whole matter get lost in the red tape shuffle of the courts. He was going to track it down and push the thing along, so he could then push for a fair settlement for Myrtle. She was very much relieved, and a little impressed.

That same Wednesday evening saw Fred trying hot chocolate as a means to get sleepy, so he could get some more rest before his doctor appointment. He was still eating for something to do, was still a mess and overall, still in rather rugged shape. But at least he knew it and thought if he could just get some rest, he could pull himself together for his appointment, although, he had no idea how he was going to handle seeing Myrtle. He sipped his hot chocolate while once again pacing in his living room. It wasn’t as good as Myrtle’s, he thought sadly.

Thursday morning went smoothly enough for Myrtle. There were no big problems at work ~ nothing she couldn’t handle in the moment anyway. She reminded Dick that she’d be away for the afternoon before leaving so he wouldn’t be surprised.

When Professor Dilby came in, she gave him a big smile. “Is there something I can get for you?” she asked cheerfully.

“Why yes, dear girl,” he smiled back at her. “I really could use a new white board marker.”

Myrtle got him one. The marker was something the professor actually needed, so he pocketed it, gave Myrtle a little salute, and said, “thank you,” as he sashayed out the door. Myrtle went back to her work smiling.

The morning didn’t go that smoothly for Fred, who had another wash, tried to comb his hair and changed his shirt again, but then he went to the kitchen to have coffee and breakfast. He decided on another fried egg sandwich and had to wash the pan first. That was a rather messy exercise. He washed it under running water which involved a lot more splashing and suds than just washing a pan should. Once his sandwich was ready, he again paced the living room to eat it, while watching a morning news show on TV. A couple of hours later, he knew he should have more to eat before going out, so he opened another can of beans.

Myrtle grabbed a quick take out lunch when she left work at noon, then went straight to Fred’s apartment. She thought she could spend a little time with him before his appointment. She decided to knock on the door this time. Fred didn’t open it right away. She somehow knew he was peeping at her through the peep hole. When he did open it, Myrtle was shocked by his appearance. Then she stepped inside the apartment and was even more shocked. There were dirty dishes all over the place, the carpet had a discernable track of stains in it, and Fred ~ he was a sight. He had stubble, his hair was a mess and there were greasy brown stains on his shirt. Myrtle just stood, her mouth agape, and looked around. When her eyes settled back on the front of Fred’s shirt, he looked down.

“Haven’t been feeling well,” he muttered. “I washed,” he squeaked, seemingly in his own defence.

“Fred,” said Myrtle, shaking her head. But no more words came out right away. Then, with some exasperation, “your hair....”

“I combed it, honest,” he said quickly.

“Your shirt...” she pointed.

“I was feeling better, so I had an egg sandwich for breakfast,” he said, “and beans for lunch. The shirt was clean on after my wash,” he explained lamely. He sighed hopelessly.

“How many sandwiches did you have, Fred?” she asked sarcastically, pointing at the little plates, mugs and glasses littering the tables.

Fred felt his knees weaken. He had forgotten to tidy up at all. He’d also forgotten to talk as if he was stuffed up. He stared at his feet.

“Fred,” said Myrtle, a little coldly. Fred looked up. “I don’t know what’s going on here, but go change your shirt and comb your hair properly so I can take you to your appointment,” she said sternly.

Fred felt helpless and ashamed, but he just nodded and headed off to his bedroom to get a fresh shirt. While he was gone, Myrtle looked at the mess. It wasn’t her mess, she told herself, and she had certainly already done enough for this man who plainly wasn’t being honest with her for some reason. But she just couldn’t stand there, waiting, so she put down her purse and went ‘round the room picking up dirty dishes, then took them to the kitchen sink where she encountered more. She just added the ones she’d collected to the ones already there. Then she tidied just a little, throwing the bean cans into the recycling, throwing out a couple of crumpled paper towels and turning off Fred’s coffee maker. She wiped down the counter, then shook her head as she glanced around again. She just didn’t understand what was going on.

Both the drive to Fred’s doctor’s office and the wait in the waiting room were uncomfortably silent. To add insult to injury, Fred’s doctor laughed when Fred told him what had happened, though he caught himself, cleared his throat and asked Fred for more details. Fred tried to give answers without revealing the identity of the woman. The doctor wasn’t really the help Fred had hoped he’d be. He just kept glancing at Fred with something like disbelief. But he filled out a blood test form. When Fred asked how long it would take, he was told a few days ~ except for the HIV test, which had to go to the city and could take up to three weeks. Fred was floored. Three weeks! He’d already blown his ruse with Myrtle. There was no way he could make stuff up for three weeks, even if he could think of anything else.

After a stop at the lab for the tests, the drive home was just as silent, only this time Fred was mulling over in his head what to do next. When they got to Fred’s apartment, Myrtle was caught somewhere between seething anger, and worry that there really was something seriously wrong with Fred. He hadn’t offered to tell her what the blood tests were for. When they got inside, she stood looking at Fred rather expectantly. Fred’s knees felt weak again. He still didn’t know what to do. He was just no good at deception. He looked tortured, but Myrtle just waited.

“I’m so sorry, Myrtle,” he finally blurted. “I didn’t mean for it to happen. She just forced her way in. Next thing I knew she was... she was... well... on top of me, and we were... I mean, I don’t know why she did that. I wasn’t interested in having sex with Cynthia, Myrtle. I don’t care about her. I was saving myself for you,” he whined.

Myrtle just stared at him. She couldn’t believe what she was hearing. Sex? With Cynthia? "When?” she demanded.

“Sunday morning,” he whimpered. “Honestly Myrtle, I thought it was you at the door, then she just pushed her way in...”

Myrtle had heard enough. “I’ll get your car back to you this evening,” she said coldly. With that, she turned and strode from the apartment, the slamming door almost drowning out Fred’s wail, “Ooooh Myyyrrrrrtlle..... nooooooo.”

Thursday, March 1, 2012

A New Car

After work, Myrtle and Winnifred each drove to a little restaurant they’d agreed on near where there were some car dealerships. They enjoyed an early supper, then Winn hopped in with Myrtle to go check out some cars. After stopping at three dealerships and kicking a few tires, Myrtle asked to test drive a little coupe. It was only a year old and was a returned lease. She thought the price was pretty good, though she hoped to make it better. She liked the size and colour and needed to get the feel of it. So off she and Winn went to get a coffee a few blocks away.

It drove like a dream and felt just right. And so Myrtle found her new car that very night. Winn kept more or less drooling over the new cars while Myrtle went into the office to bargain with the salesman. She did talk him down a bit, though the man seemed bound and determined to get hold of Fred’s car for a trade in.

“It’s not my car,” Myrtle said patiently, for the third time. “I can’t trade in a car that isn’t my own.”

“Oh yeah... that’s right... you said,” chuckled the salesman, who couldn’t seem to remember this important fact. Either that, or he thought he could change her mind and get her to also change her story. Myrtle just gave her head a little shake, then made arrangements for him to put plates on the car. She would call Elaine and her insurance company on Tuesday to take care of the payment and make sure the new car was insured. She’d pick up the car as soon as she could, once everything was looked after and the car was ready.

Much relieved that she’d found what she wanted, she drove Winn back to her car in the restaurant parking lot and thanked her for coming with her. The two friends parted then, and Myrtle headed for home.

Fred meanwhile, was spreading peanut butter on his third piece of toast. He decided he’d try to rest after this one. He needed to sleep. He really, really needed to sleep, he thought. He decided on a glass of milk to go with his toast, instead of any more coffee or Coke. He was out of Coke anyway. It was a good thing Myrtle had just shopped for him, but she'd only brought one bottle of Coke. Anyway, he knew it wasn't exactly helping him get to sleep and he just had to get some rest somehow. Fred hadn’t changed his clothes, washed or taken a walk, other than pacing the apartment, since his shower. But he wasn't about to do any of those things until he got some rest. After his milk and toast, he went to lie down on his bed. He pulled the blanket over himself and closed his eyes.

When she got home, Myrtle thought she might call Fred to check on him and wish him good night, but it occurred to her that he might be sleeping and she didn’t want to disturb him. Best to just wait till tomorrow, she thought, when he was expecting her call. She sighed deeply. After all the time spent with Fred, and looking after him, he suddenly didn’t want her around. Her instincts told her that something was very wrong, but she had no way of knowing what. She sighed again, then busied herself with a few household chores that had been neglected. Then she got ready for bed.

Wednesday morning saw Myrtle trying to catch up on her work at the office. She wanted everything caught up before taking Thursday afternoon off. She had a foreboding feeling the whole time, but didn’t know if something was about to go wrong at work again, or in her private life. It was a very uncomfortable feeling.

At the same time, Fred was snoring loudly on his bed. He woke himself up with his own noise. He checked the time and slowly sat up. At least he’d gotten some sleep, he thought. And if he had bad dreams, he didn’t remember them. He stumbled toward the bathroom and got a look at himself in the bathroom mirror. Ick, he thought. He looked horrible. He sighed. Best to get cleaned up, he thought. He had that appointment the next day. At least, he thought it was the next day. He should focus on being ready for it.

But Fred just didn’t have the ambition to take another shower and shave. He had a wash and combed his hair, then put on a fresh shirt. It was an improvement and would have been a lot more impressive if he hadn’t then gone to the kitchen to make more coffee and get himself something to eat. Fred’s culinary abilities didn’t involve a lot of sophisticated food. Both his tastes and his cooking skills were pretty basic. He also wasn’t eating because he was hungry, so much as for something to do. As a result, one might think he was throwing food around pretty liberally in the kitchen to look at his clothing. It would have been better if he’d sat at the table to eat, but he just couldn’t seem to sit still long enough. He wound up pacing around the living room with his food, which did nothing for the carpet, or his clothing.

Myrtle called him again after lunch to check on him. Fred once again did his best to sound stuffed up. Putting things off was still the only thing he could think to do. Yet he knew he’d be seeing Myrtle on Thursday afternoon. He wished he had someone to talk to about it. He wasn’t all that experienced with women and could really have used some advice. Fred sighed deeply. Ordinarily he might have confided in his brother, Bill. But clearly, that was out. Even if he didn’t identify the woman he'd had sex with, he knew it might slip out. He wasn’t going to take that chance. His mother would only give him a rough time. The guys he went out with from time to time would only make fun of him. Dexter might have helped him out, but he was dead. There was no one, he thought, other than Myrtle. He was on his own with this, at least until he saw his doctor. Maybe he would say something reassuring and helpful.

Myrtle just shook her head after her call with Fred. He sounded sick, and yet he also sounded scared. She tried to shrug it off. She’d just have to wait until she saw him tomorrow. She turned back to her work.