A Funny Little Story

It really is just a funny little story. I started it years and years ago to poke fun at romance novels and the lusty, perfect characters always featured in them. I'm blogging it because I just like Fred and Myrtle. I do. I hope you'll like them too. Please, make yourself a refreshment, sit back, relax a little, put your smile on and read. As with all blogs, the beginning is at the bottom. Please start at It Was a Dark and Stormy Day and work your way up from there.


Content Warning: THIS STORY CONTAINS EXPLICIT SEX AND IS NOT SUITABLE FOR READERS UNDER 16 OR PRUDES.


Sunday, March 18, 2012

A Surprise and A Wedding

Fred kept his apartment in town for a couple of months, just in case. But Myrtle wanted no part of it and after a while it seemed silly to be paying for an empty apartment. Despite the proximity of the cottage to Fred’s mother, Myrtle reasoned, “just because you’re living close to her, doesn’t mean you have to see her any more often. If you see her as we pass her place, just wave. If you meet her at the mail boxes, which I never have by the way, just say ‘hello,’” she instructed.

The bug-eyed building superintendent would have been pretty annoyed when Fred gave his notice and might have tried to hold him to the lease, except he wanted Fred’s apartment for a buddy of his anyway. Fred rewarded the man’s largess by offering to leave the couch behind for his buddy. The Super was agreeable. The rest of Fred’s relatively new belongings either replaced something older and worn at Myrtle’s, like the bed and the television, or went into storage at the farm, with a few unwanted things given to charity. And so Fred settled into Myrtle’s little cottage with her.

They were together for the holidays, when they paid an obligatory visit to Fred’s mother with gift in hand. This is when they learned that Cynthia was pregnant. Flora was bragging mightily that Bill was giving her a grandchild to spoil. Fred blanched at the news. They didn’t stay long, especially when they heard that Bill and Cynthia were on their way over too.

Fred and Myrtle celebrated the New Year alone together. In fact, they kept pretty much to themselves much of the time, getting used to each other and sharing their lives so completely. They even went back to driving to work together most days. Myrtle finally had a driveway put in for the extra car, which they only needed on occasion. They did visit the farm regularly and when they told Myrtle’s aunts they wanted to get married, the matter was pretty much taken out of their hands.

Fred and Myrtle were married the following August, at the very height of the growing season, at the farm. Myrtle’s aunts put on a feast of fresh produce, including fresh, garden veggies and dips, potato salad, green salad, pickles, corn on the cob, along with buffalo burgers and platters of barbecued chicken, with Horace Dilby gleefully volunteering to man the barbecue. And there were also baked goods ~ pies, quick breads and cupcakes, besides the wedding cake Mabel made for them. The feast was to die for. They rented a huge tent in case of inclement weather and put the feast in there. But the weather was beautiful, so the ceremony was held outdoors and the tent was welcome shade for enjoying the food and company.

Some of the guests arrived a couple of days early, especially those in the wedding party. Bill was to be Fred’s best man, and so they couldn’t avoid having Cynthia there too, with her new baby. The little one looked like sort of a miniature Fred, and after he saw him, Fred just kind of wandered away, muttering softly to himself, with Myrtle right behind him to comfort him. Bill didn’t seem to notice or at least care what the baby looked like. He was a proud, doting and very hands-on father, in rather stark contrast to Cynthia, who clearly wasn’t taking to motherhood with as much enthusiasm as she had to being a housewife.

The most disconcerting intrusion on the event was Flora, who kept staring at the baby, glaring at Cynthia, and scowling at Fred, repeatedly. Even Myrtle’s aunts noticed the frequency with which she did this. The day before the wedding, they stood with Flora admiring her mighty truck, then invited her to take them for a ride in it to town. They all returned a few hours later with Millie at the wheel and Myrtle guessed that they’d taken Flora to Rainy Tavern. It took both Millie and Mabel to help Flora to a spare bedroom for a nap. Then Millie found Myrtle for a chat.

“It’s interesting the number of people who cheat on their partners,” Millie began. She had Myrtle’s immediate interest, and went on. “Seems Fred’s mother had a little affair with a travelling salesman, and Bill was the result.”

Myrtle’s mouth fell open, despite herself. “So Fred and Bill.....”

“...don’t have the same father,” finished Millie. “So there is no way in hell that Bill’s baby could look even remotely like Fred, unless....”

“Oh no,” groaned Myrtle. “So she’s figured it out. What are we to do?” she fussed. “What if she pipes up at that part where the Justice says, ‘if there is anyone here who knows any reason.....’”

“It’ll be ok,” Millie assured her. “We told her what happened.” Myrtle looked surprised. “We had to, Myrtle! She’d already guessed anyway. But we assured her it was Cynthia who was the aggressor, and not Fred, and that it would spoil a lot of lives if she blabbed, which it turns out she doesn’t want to anyway, because Bill doesn’t know, either about his parentage, or....”

“Oh geez,” said Myrtle, sighing. “So now everyone knows.... except....”

“...yeah... Bill,” finished Millie again. “And Flora would be crushed if her Billy ever found out, so.....”

Myrtle could only chuckle. “Great,” she said sarcastically, “so we all have something on each other. Now, will Flora quit glaring and scowling?” she asked.

“She’s going to try, Myrtle. She wasn’t even aware she was doing it in the first place,” chuckled Millie.

Myrtle sighed again, shaking her head. She thanked her aunt for helping, then they took off in different directions to continue what they’d been doing. Flora was a little hung over at the rehearsal, but at least she was quiet and well-behaved, thought Myrtle. In fact, there was no other craziness that day, except for when Fred thought the chickens were chasing him across the barn yard. He was, however, holding a tin of chicken feed at the time, and that’s really all they wanted. Mabel rescued him. Later, they all had a little laugh at his expense, including Fred.

And so, on a lovely, sunny day in August, Fred and Myrtle became husband and wife. It was a beautiful, casual ceremony with the usual nervous groom and beaming bride. Myrtle’s Aunt Millie gave her away. Mabel didn’t want to be in the wedding party, the better to keep an eye on things, so she sat across the aisle from Flora in the parental seats where Millie soon joined her. Winn was Myrtle’s maid of honour. Bill waited in front of the gathering with Fred, seeming almost as nervous as the groom. During the beautiful and brief ceremony, it looked for a moment as if Fred might faint, but with Bill on one side and Myrtle on the other, he took a few deep breaths and was able to finish the ceremony.

Later, Myrtle ate a little too much of her aunts’ scrumptious summer feast and Fred drank just a little too much and started giggling as Mr. Grieves was holding forth to Myrtle’s aunts about what a great job Fred was doing. Bill spent only the actual ceremony without his new son in tow, clucking over him like a well-muscled mother hen. Helen and Winn were both a huge help to Myrtle’s aunts, especially carrying foods out to the tent and helping with the clean up. Dick looked a little lost, but Horace Dilby seemed to be right in his element, enjoying the food, drink, company, barbecuing, and Millie’s greenhouses all in gleeful moderation. All and all, it was a great day.

No comments:

Post a Comment